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| The Twinge | |
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I know, I know. No post for how long? Most of the time it is very difficult for me to believe that any idea I have for a post is actually not dumb. If that even makes any sense. Just my perfectionistic tendencies, I guess. Anyway, this will be a short post, but just something I've been thinking about and dealing with for a while now. Probably 85% of the time, I have this little twinge of guilt/worry in the back of my head. This constant voice that I am currently screwing something up. That I am, at this exact moment, doing something wrong, not doing something I should be doing, or just plain forgetting something I should be remembering. I figure it has to be a fairly common affliction and that it has something to do with some sort of anxiety or other official diagnosis. But then something little happens, or I am reminded of something, and it hits me right in the face; I am doing ok. I am not screwing something up and I am not forgetting to do my homework. I am not late for work, and I'm not forgetting to pay a car payment. Yeah, I still screw little things up now and then, but I'm actually doing pretty darn good. And that astounds me. The Twinge in the back of my head is the past creeping up on me and the future looming over me. It's worry about repeating past mistakes in the future. That twinge has become a complete waste of time, that I still find myself indulging in now and then. I can't go back to the past and fix it, or worry about things in the future that haven't even happened yet. The cure for the Twinge is hanging out in the present. And until I cure the Twinge, me and the Twinge will just have to be good friends. Can you tell I'm reading The Power of Now? |
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| Topic(s): me | |
| By loosgroov on August 7, 2008 at 2:25am EDT | Add Comment |
| Irish Dancing with my Family | |
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and also, my mom is a little strange. :) enjoy! |
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| Topic(s): funny | |
| By loosgroov on June 11, 2008 at 12:12pm EDT | Add Comment |
| Daktari! | |
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When, oh when, will Daktari come out on DVD? |
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| Topic(s): tv | |
| By loosgroov on June 9, 2008 at 7:03pm EDT | Add/View Comments (2) |
| The Wobble.. | |
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“The quintessential lifestyle design question is the “money question.” And the money question goes something like this: “what would you do if you had all the money in the world?” I like the money question. I really do. It’s a good starting point, but it also misses the point because it feeds the notion that monetary abundance is the primary freedom enabler.” This quote from The Growing Life really made a lot of things bounce around in my brain today. What would I do if I had all the money I ever could want, and why am I not already starting to do that now, even without the money? I’ve been in this sort of hibernation for the past year or so. I’ve been reading self help books one after another, listening to motivating podcasts and reading blogs that talk about inspiration, art and helping people. It’s been sort of a quest for a quest. I just want to find a way to figure out what I want. Almost every motivational speaker, writer, podcaster, etc. says to start with figuring out what you want. To define it in detail and see it coming. Set your goals in alignment with your values. Get to the core of what you want. But where does that leave us who don’t know? It leaves me in this perpetual state of searching and learning and dreaming. What if I choose wrong? What if the things that I want now are not the things I want in a week? I suppose it’s some sort of perfectionism that keeps me from moving, but I like to think of it as being eclectic. There is just too much good stuff to choose from. So, I have to figure out what I want, and where all of this hibernating is getting me. Let’s start with simple things that are in my head and don’t cost money. I want motivation and energy. It’s that simple. All of these self-help gurus that I’ve been reading lately usually say that it’s just a flip switch. When your brain starts in with the negative, snap back to positive, and use my special trick to do it! I believe it, obviously, because I keep reading. Flip the switch. Fake it ‘til you make it. Choose happiness. Ok, it’s tough, but we’re getting closer. What do I want, things-wise? A big Victorian house with a wrap-around porch and open breezy windows, but not way in the country, somewhere near a city. I don’t know what city. A garden with random flowers, herbs, and vegetables, that is more for fun than it is for show. A big kitchen with a big butcher block kitchen table. A red mini cooper. Heck, two mini coopers, one convertible, one not. A big studio with big windows where I keep all of my cool art and craft stuff and spend hours painting old pieces of wood, writing stories, and learning new crafts. A housekeeper, or at least a cleaning service. A sweet office/library with a ton of cool books on the shelves. A pool with a waterfall, a koi pond, and a hot tub. An outdoor kitchen/dining room like in the magazines… I could think of a lot more. The thing about the above wants is how close I could be right now. I have a house close to the city and room for a garden. I have a “studio/office” that is extremely messy, but it’s where I keep my supplies. I have windows that are breezy when they are open, and a big back patio. I have a decent sized kitchen with a bar with barstools. I have books and bookshelves. That’s where the balance is. You have to be happy and thankful for all of the amazing stuff you have while always dreaming bigger and getting closer to the big dream. The big dream is always evolving, but is closer than most people think. My current job and hobbies are reflections of my old dreams, mingled with my current ones, but still not quite there. When I think about my current “career”, I appreciate it for what it is, but also dream of doing something closer to what I love, closer to what I am capable of, and closer to what I care about. Without this wobble between want and have, people would be stuck in ruts very similar to my past five years. So here I wobble. Sometimes I feel like I’m right on the edge of that cliff, ready to base-jump, quit my job and start a business, move across the country, and sometimes I’m a good 100 yards away from the cliff, satisfied with where I am and what I’m doing. It feels like it’s all coming to a peak and something is about to happen. This time in hibernation has been put to good use. “A few years ago I read a fantastic book called The E-Myth: Why Most Small Businesses Don't Work and What do Do About It . (If you are running a small business or you are thinking of starting one I highly recommend it) One of the best things I learned from the book was about the three basic roles that exist in any successful business. The Entrepreneur, The Manager and The Technician. The entrepreneur is the visionary. She is the person that looks at the big picture, creates a vision for where the company is going and creates a plan for how the business must operate to get there. The manager supervises, oversees the day to day operations and makes sure systems are in place that allow things to work efficiently. The final role in this trio is the Technician. This is the person that gets the job done. In my case, the technician designs the jewelry, puts it together, ships the packages and communicates with the clients.” That quote is from a post I read by a certain Superhero a few days ago. It sort of started this whirlwind of thinking. The idea that I’m not in a rut, but rather some sort of Visionary stage, is freeing and relieves a big part of this burden of being selfish. The Manager and the Technician are in here too and I can see both of these possibilities with more clarity than I’ve had in a long time. The imagining time is complete and the planning and doing times are starting. And if I flit back and forth between these jobs, that is how it is supposed to be. And look, I just wrote over 1000 words. More than I’ve done in probably 6 or 8 years. That is “doing”. |
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| Topic(s): inspiration writing | |
| By loosgroov on June 7, 2008 at 1:26am EDT | Add/View Comments (3) |
| Fun with Animoto | |
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I just found a cool site through Leoville called Animoto . In about 2 minutes, I created the best Pastel Party video ever made. |
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| Topic(s): funny video | |
| By loosgroov on May 5, 2008 at 4:18pm EDT | Add Comment |
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